Marauders Gone Mad
by Anne Zwarts
Summary: The Marauders and Severus Snape in their own soap opera... And they all have a girlfriend.... will this go the way it should? Read it and find out... New chapters will be uploaded every week.
1. Let the idiotness begin

A/N: Linda Lupos, Pixiedragon and I are writing a fanfiction, well.... we're going to write one....

_We plan to write at least once a week, but it can happen we write more often or less...  
The fanfict will be about the Marauders (duh!) and Severus Snape, and ourselves, in their time after their seventh year, so AU. We try not to become Mary Shoo..... Sue, although it's likely to become like that, our sincere apologies for that __Of course this will be completely mad and all, just as to be expected ___

_I will be uploading the chapters, and I hope I can do it every week, hopefully every Wednesday, but don't worry if I'll forget :)_

_The characters are all JK Rowling's, and I think I've said enough now, right? Let's start with the fict, and I hope you'll enjoy it an review :)  
  
_

"Hey Sirius!" said a dark-haired girl. Sirius looked around, and saw the owner of the voice.  
"Hey Anne! How are you?" he asked.  
"Fine.... I think... Hey, listen, have you seen the Lindas lately?"  
"well.... Linda was just with Remus when I left him, but I don't have a clue were Linda is..." he said, with a puzzled look on his face.  
"Err..... right..... I think I'm off to Linda and Remus then, wanna come along?" she asked.  
"Sure!" Sirius answered. "As long as that Snape-git's not there..."  
"I dunno..... but you've got to get used to his presence," Anne said. "Severus' girlfriend is a friend of Linda and me..."  
Sirius muttered something, which made Anne stamp on his toes, and they went away, off to the Lupin-residence.

At that moment, in Snape's swinging little house (although it may not literally swing).   
"My house is not little!" Sevvy said angrily.  
"It all depends on your point of view," Linda said.  
"And don't call me Sevvy!" Severus bellowed.  
Linda smirked. "I didn't call you Sevvy, Linda did."  
Severus stared. "... What?"  
"Hmm, never mind."  
By now, Severus was scratching his head, trying to make sense of this. Linda (both of them) ignored him.   
The doorbell rang.  
"Is somebody going to answer that?" Severus asked. He was once again ignored, so he got up, sighing, and went to open the door.  
"I hate you!" was the first thing he heard.  
"Likewise, Black," he said coolly.  
"I wasn't talking to you, you big beep," said Sirius, glaring. "I was talking to Anne!"  
Anne glared at her boyfriend. "Oh really??" she said, and whacked him.  
Remus rolled his eyes. "Unfortunately," he told Severus, "this is quite normal behaviour."  
Anne stopped strangling Sirius for a moment, and said: "is not!"  
"Ok," Remus corrected himself, "it's usually worse."

"That's not what I meant!" Anne replied, now threatening to strangle Remus instead.  
"Are you four going to stand there all day or are you coming in?" Linda called from inside the house.  
"Looks like your girlfriend want us to come in Snivellus" said Sirius, "Do you mind stepping aside?"  
"Actually, I _do_ mind, and that's not my girlfriend, it's Remus' girlfriend."  
"Then we'll go inside and look for ourselves which Linda is talking." said Anne, stepping into the house and pushing Severus aside while doing so.  
Sirius and Severus exchanged some more glares, then followed Anne inside, with as much distance between them as possible.  
Remus rolled his eyes and closed the door behind him after going inside too.

Right, now, they're inside..... and then.... Remus closed the door... wait, it was already closed.... Okay, they were sitting in the livingroom, or rather: the Linda's and Anne and Remus sat down, while Sirius and Severus remained on their feet, trying to glare the living daylights out of each other.  
"err..... does anyone want to drink something?" said Linda Sneep, "perhaps?" she added. Remus began to bounce up and down on the couch, waving his hand fanatically. "Me! Me! Me!"  
Anne raised her eyebrows, "okay, WHO are you and WHAT have you done to Remus?!"  
Linda Lupos started to giggle, "I gave him a Potion to make him hyperactive this morning. I hoped he wouldn't be that hyperactive tonight when we are err.... when we are trying to get some sleep...."  
Linda Sneep, Anne and -now finaly being interupted in their glaring contest - Sirius and Severus snorted after they heard it.  
"What?" Linda Lupos said, trying to act as if she only said she gave the flowers pink water.

"Hyperactive?" Snape said suspiciously. But the others interrupted him.  
"That - " said Anne.  
"Was really - " said Sirius.  
"More - " added Linda Sneep.  
"Than you wanted to know?" Remus suggested. The other three nodded vigorously.   
"Okay, never mind, I don't want to know what you're talking about anymore..." concluded Snape.

"Maybe you should stuff something in your ears, so you can't hear us anymore." suggested Anne.  
"Yeah, that would look great with his greasy hair." Sirius added, which made Severus glare at him again, thus continuing the glaring-contest.  
After ten minutes of glaring, Anne and Linda Sneep exchanged glances, found out they were apparently thinking the same thing, and whacked Sirius and Severus' heads against each other.  
"Ow! Why did you do that!?" said Sirius, now glaring at Anne, who was smiling her most angelic smile towards her boyfriend, or actually, trying and failing miserably.  
"There are other things you can do, apart from glaring at Severus you know." replied Anne.  
"You're right Anne!" said Sirius. "Like hexing Snivellus for instance!"

"No no no no!!!" said Anne, grabbing Sirius' arm with her right hand, to prevent him from hexing Severus. "I didn't mean that!! Stop it!"  
"Or you'll do what?" he asked. "Hit me with that.... fish?" Anne looked at her left arm, and saw she was holding a goldfish that had been swimming in the fishbowl a few seconds ago.  
"Well... I can try of course..." she began, but than Remus jumped up.  
"Don't do that!!!" he yelled. Everyone looked at him, no-one's seen him yelling like that before. "Well..... I er..... err..... _like_ that fish..."  
"Remus..... it's just a goldfish, you've read to much books..." Sirius told him.  
"I... I did? Oh.... well.... would you mind putting it back in the bowl then?" Remus asked Anne, looking at her with big puppy-eyes.  
"Save those for Linda please, Remus..." Anne said frowning, but she let the fish slip back into the bowl.


	2. Return of the Werefishes

A/N: okay, it's not as much as last week, but…. Oh well… have fun with it anyway :-) 

Linda Lupos stared at her boyfriend oddly. "You know, you and goldfishes scare me."  
"As they should," Snape said mysteriously. "You don't know how much Lupin... likes... goldfish..."  
By now, Remus had turned rather beet-red. "Okay, that's enough," he said. "No more... innuendo-stuff."  
"Aaah?" said Sirius.  
"No," was Remus' answer. "Do that with Anne if you will, but not with me!"   
Everybody crinched.   
"Was it just me or did that sound really... ick?" asked Anne.  
"Oh God my brains," Snape said.

"You _have_ brains?" was the immediate reaction from Sirius.  
"Ofcourse I have, I'm not _that_ closely related to you." sneered Severus.  
Which left Sirius speechless, but Severus hadn't counted on Anne's presence.  
"Youre insulting my boyfriend!" she yelled, now picking up the bowl with the fishes, wanting to smash it on Severus' head.  
"NOT THE FISHIES!!!" yelled Remus, but too late, the bowl had contacted with Severus' head, shattering the glass.  
Remus immediately crouched down to collect his goldfishes from the floor, being helped by Linda, while the other Linda went to the kitchen to get something to put the goldfishes in.

"Why does anyone even _bother_ saving a goldfish?" Severus asked, when he tried to dry his head with his robes. So now we know why he has such large robes .  
"My fisheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees!!!" Remus wailed.  
"Do you also resuscitate them when they don't breath?" snared Severus.  
"Of course he does," Sirius replied. "Don't you understand what they mean to him?"  
"Of course I do," said Severus. "They are..... more than just pets to him..."  
"Remus, Linda, where are the goldfishes? I found this pan in the kitchen and I put water in it for them," Linda said.  
"Did you also add a little salt?" asked Severus. "Because I don't like goldfishes when they are cooked without salt..."  
Now it was Remus' turn to pick the pan from Linda's hands and wack Severus with it.


	3. To Be Or Not To Be

A/N: my excuses for those who don't understood the werefish-jokes… On the forum where this is being written, the werefishes I invented for my fict "The Goldfish" are very, very famous…

"Kwunk" said the pan when it hit Severus' head. It echoed nicely around the kitchen. Less nice was the effect it had on Severus: he paled, his eyes glassed over and he passed out on the floor.  
"Oops" said Remus.   
"THAT IS MY BOYFRIEND YOU JUST KNOCKED OUT COLD!" Linda bellowed. Remus (and the rest of the group, come to that) cowered in fear as she started to resemble Snape more and more. A very angry Snape that is. "HOW DARE YOU DO THAT?!"  
"I - um," stammered Remus.  
"REMUS, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY KITCHEN!"  
"Note to self," Anne whispered to the other Linda, "never ever piss Linda off..."

"Unless you're suicidal…" replied Linda, "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"  
Anne turned on her legilimency. "Yeah, I do… on the count of three. One… two… THREE!"  
Linda and Anne pointed their non-GMS wands at Linda and yelled 'Petrificus Totalus!'.  
Linda's arms snapped to her sides and legs sprang together.   
Her whole body rigid, she swayed where she stood and then fell flat on her face, stiff as a board.  
Remus, on the other hand, was able to stand up again, though he needed the help of the other Linda, while a huge lump was coming up on his head where Linda had hit him.  
"Why did you two petrify her?" he asked while rubbing his head.  
"So she can't attack us anymore –" started Linda.  
"- And she can cool down a bit - ." said Anne.  
"- Because only her body is petrified -" said Linda.  
"- And she can still hear us." finished Anne.  
Remus looked at Linda and Anne. "You can turn off the legilimency again..."

"Talking about cooling down...... does anyone have some ice for that lump on my head?" Remus asked.  
"No..." Linda said, "but I know a little spell to get rid of it," she added with an angelic smile.  
"Err..... I can handle that myself, thanks...." Remus replied, raising his eyebrows slightly.  
"Hey, we have to cool Linda down, don't we? And we've got this nice duck pond in the yard, we can throw her in!" Sirius suggested.  
"No, we can't, as she's petrified and she'll drown then," Anne said. "But I can throw _you_ in of course, because you're wearing that nice, white shirt..."   
"I've got a bad feeling about this..." Linda begun.  
"I don't sense anything," Anne replied.  
"Well, maybe if you hadn't watched Star Wars that much, you would have," Severus said.  
"Is there anyone trying to un-Petrify my girlfriend here, or do we keep discussing how well a wet, white shirt suits Sirius?" Remus asked.

"Well, why don't YOU unpetrify your girlfriend?" asked Sirius. Remus has the grace to blush at his own thoughtlessness and quickly waved his wand over Linda. She was finally able to move again, and got to her feet. The other Linda (who has been petrified in the first place, but due to Anne not paying attention Remus' Linda got petrified as well) was still lying on the floor, glaring evilly at everybody save maybe Severus. Speaking of Severus... he was still out cold, lying peacefully next to his girlfriend, and the possible GMS of this made Sirius flinch because of the mental images.

_A/N: don't forget to review! :)___


	4. Forgetfulness

"They look cute now, don't they Linda?" said Anne.  
"Unless you forget the fact that Linda is glaring daggers at us and Severus has a huge lump on his head… yes." The Un-petrified Linda replied. "But how are we ever going to un-petrify Linda and wake Severus up, without getting ourselves killed?"  
"We don't." Sirius simply said.  
"I think it's better to let them cool down first, then decide what we're going to do." Said Anne.  
"Aren't we forgetting something?" Linda asked suddenly.  
There was for a split second, a deafening silence.  
Then… "MY FISHIES!!!"

"Erm.... yes...." said Anne, looking at the pan, and the fishes that were on the ground....  
"What do you want to do with those anyway?" Sirius wondered.  
"Hmm.... good question... Next one!" Anne replied.  
"No no, wait," said Linda. "We can put the fishes in the pan, and put some water in it."  
"Hey! That's a good idea!" said Remus. "And then we can find another bowl, as this one looks a bit shattered..." And he began to pick up the fishes and put them in the pan Anne was still holding.  
"Thanks Remus," Anne replied, and she put it on the fire in the kitchen. "Now, what do we do with them?" she added, prodding the unconcious Severus and Linda with her foot.

"Let's just leave them here," said Sirius. He was being glared at by Linda-Snape's-girlfriend, but he didn't care, because she was petrified and couldn't do anything anyway!  
"Is anybody going to help me with this fishbowl?" Remus asked, completely ignoring the topic of unpetrifying petrified people.  
"Oh Remus, stop being so Muggle!" said Sirius. "_Reparo_!"  
"Well I can't help it!" Remus objected. "I'm half Muggle, so 50% of what I do is a Muggle action."  
There was silence for a moment. Then -  
"That didn't make much sense," came Anne's comment.


	5. To Live Or Not To Live

_A/N: My sincere apologies that it took so long to upload a new chapter, but I've been terribly busy with school lately._

_Thanks for your reviews!_

_Linda Lupos, Pixiedragon and Anne Zwarts_

"But you're also a werewolf." said Sirius; "Which means you're not 50 Muggle and 50 wizard, so you'll try to bite our heads off some times too."  
Everyone stared at Sirius, then at Remus, and back to Sirius.  
"I hope that only happens during the full moon then..." Shivered Remus.  
"Then I hope we're not near you then." said Linda, now filling the fishbowl with water. "You think the fishes are still alive?"  
Remus put them gently in the bowl. "If they start to swim, they're still alive."  
"That's... logic..." said Anne. "And if they don't swim?"  
"Then they're dead of course." Sirius said helpful.

Remus stared at the fishes in the bowl....  
"They don't seem to be swimming, do they Remus?" Anne asked him. Remus glared at her, and poked the surface of the water with his wand.  
"Live! LIVE!!!!" he said, looking like Dr Frankenstein a lot. Everyone took a step back. But then, suddenly, something began to move in the water, and that was not Remus' wand.  
"Yes! They live!" Remus yelled. Severus looked at Remus. "You know Lupin," he began, "you can't poke your werefishes back to life with your wand. And secondly, you don't have the necessary lightning bolt that Dr Frankenstein had..."  
Everyone looked with big eyes at Severus. Was he reading Muggle-literature???

"Wha"?" Severus said. "What are you staring at??"  
"Err," said Sirius. "Have you read Frankenstein?"  
"It would seem that I have," replied Sev irritably. "Of course, I don't expect _you_ to have read it..."  
Sirius opened his mouth to start bickering, but Anne punched him.  
"Ouch!"  
"Well, serves you right," she said. "Stop bickering."  
"My fishies," moaned Remus.  
"Oh shut up, shut up, shut up," muttered Remus!Linda angrily. "They LIVE, don't they?"  
Sev had begun rubbing his temples. "You're giving me a headache," he said. "Please go?"


End file.
